we won't say our goodbyes, you know it's better that way

dear liam,

oh hi. sometimes i wonder if you even remember i exist. but then again, you do live next door. well, you did. so you left for college today. that scares me. i remember playing in the snow in your backyard, writing on the walls of your house in crayon, and throwing rocks at your glass table, not realizing that it would shatter into a million pieces. and then one day, you were gone. you were still there, but not really to me. we didn't see each other anymore, and i realize that was probably because of our age difference, and partly due to the fact that you were a boy and i was a girl. lets face it, teenagers never do well with hormones. and so, i developed a crush. to this day i'm not sure if it was real, or just my way of coping with losing you, because it was the only way that made sense. i remember writing you that ridiculous letter that i almost sent in eighth grade, confessing my love to you. its still sitting in the top of my closet. i guess you could compare this one to it. i guess what i'm saying is that, i don't know what i'm saying. i don't know who you are anymore, and so i guess i cant love someone i don't know. but i knew that little boy with the baseball hat who was my best friend, and i sure still love him. it scares me that you're gone. even though we haven't had a real conversation in about 2 years, you were always there, next door. now you aren't. maybe one day after we both graduate college, we'll meet and become best friends again. probably not, but i like to hope that something like that might happen. it gives me a little hope that i haven't lost you forever. so you may be 200 miles away, but i hope you'll always remember the roller blades, the face paint, and the air-soft guns. i really hope that no matter what, you'll always remember me.

love,

andrea